BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS

The end is eating me up inside

If it wasn’t enough that Weird Al Yankovic recently reached No. 1 on the pop hit charts, there has been plenty of other signs the end of the world is getting very close.

And some of them have even taken place in the world of sports … if you count the Nathan’s National Hot Dog Eating Contest as a sport.

ESPN, which prides itself on televising obscure non-sports events (curling, yachting and the National Spelling Bee) outdid itself in providing all-day coverage of the Coney Island event.

In case you missed it, reigning champ Joey Chestnut of Valleyjo, Calif. won the event by wolfing down 61 dogs in just ten minutes. That was enough to outdo his nearest competitor, Matt Stonie.

But in the minds of Major League Eating, which is the culinary equivalent of say, Major League Baseball, Chesnut’s win was a bit tainted.

That’s because former record-holder Takeru Kubyashi of Japan boycotted the event over a contractual dispute with the MLE. Apparently he wanted more mustard on the dog.

As far as I was concerned, that was way too much information — and wasted air time — on this event.

Then there was a story out of Detroit recently that Lions’ rookie tight end Eric Ebron could potentially lose millions of dollars if Jimmy Graham of the New Orleans Saints was designated as a tight end.

You see, being designated as a TE in the NFL means you’re likely going to be paid less than the high-priced wide receivers in the league. Even if you catch more passes and score more touchdowns.

Never mind that Ebron has yet to play a single down for the perennially underachieving Lions. Some sportswriter in Motown was already concerned he wouldn’t get paid as much as his overpaid colleagues.

And that tells you about sports in 2014.

Then you had the Tour de France beginning recently in Leeds, England. Leeds, England, you’re asking? Forget that France and England have historically been bitter enemies, except for World War I and World II, when circumstances threw them together.

It appears there is no longer a France or England. Instead, you have Europa, which is underscored by its EURO dollar.

If all of this is somewhat confusing, consider that the United States dollar could soon be replaced by the EURO dollar, which is already equal to $1.34 in American money.

The next thing to peruse is the Tour de France, which was at least interesting when Lance Armstrong was dominating it (with a little help from his friends) might someday start and end its race in merry olde England.

Does all this mean the sky is falling on our world? Probably not, but the Fat Lady, or is it Weird Al, is certainly warming up just off-stage.